2/18/2003

in

Fox TV's surprise hit with the amazing series finale

Jenni Mennella

OK, I'll admit it! I watched the final episode of Joe Millionaire along with thousands of other sappy, hopeless romantics (or jaded victims of Cupid, the sniper in a diaper). Just don't tell anyone.  
  
The setting of any fairy tale starts with a castle and this chateau in the French countryside did not disappoint anyone. Horseback riding, picnics, and walks in the forest set the tone for romance -- and scandal. Not to mention, Mr. Millionaire, himself, wasn't bad on the eyes either with his rumpled wavy hair, stunning physique, chiseled good looks, and, oh yeah, $50 million he just inherited or so they thought.  
  
After a stunning collection of 20 women, it all came down to two ladies who couldn't be more different if they planned it out from the start. Zora, the classic chestnut-tressed beauty, was a simple kind of girl who dreamed about pots and pans for her dream house if she was to win Prince Charming's heart. This 29-year-old substitute teacher just may have what it takes to teach this Romeo wannabe what it really takes to be the guy of any girl's dreams. However, was she too conservative or hard to read for this "diamond in the rough?"  
  
If Evan couldn't figure out Zora, then, there was Sarah who came with her own cheat sheet for the brawny, but not-so-brainy pseudo knight in shining armor. Sarah, 28, was a deadly combination of sex appeal and confidence to go after what she wanted. The petite blonde played hardball and made it clear she was in it to win Evan. Would the assistant to a mortgage banker, who clearly knows the difference between foie gras and wheatgrass, be able to handle the truth when Joey Moneybags reveals his real less-than-seven figures tax bracket?  
  
With her sweet angelic smile and reserved demeanor, Evan chose Zora, the woman who saw and brought out the best in him. However, after the revelation of his occupation as a construction worker, could Zora see past the lie in order "to continue the journey?"  
  
Well, apparently fairy tales do come true for those who appear too good to be true! Zora met Evan in the ballroom to give him her answer and decided even though he wasn't completely honest with her from the start, he had wonderful qualities that outweighed his financial fibbing. He placed a diamond solitaire engagement ring on her right hand (a nice touch, I might add!) as a promise to be truthful to her from this moment on.  
  
...and they lived happily ever after. The End. Right??  
  
Wrong! As a final plot twist to this soap opera-esque episode, the producers surprised both Evan and Zora with a check for $1 million presented by Paul, the butler. Evan added "deer caught in headlights" to his facial expression repertoire, while Zora's jaw dropped quicker than Evan's zipper when he was in the woods with Sarah and they were supposedly off camera. Oops, did I say that? Sarah sorta implied something scandalous went on, but as my friend's mom says, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Sarah gave the "milk" away, so he chose Zora for her virtue and class. Good choice, Evan!  
  
Truth be told, I wanted Evan to choose Zora for her great qualities, but I didn't think she deserved to be lied to all along like that. When she learned the truth, she said it had bothered her that he had inherited all that money. If anything, Sarah seemed to be more of the gold-digger type who would have been mad that he was just a regular Joe Six-Pack instead of Joe Dom Perignon. Her cavalier attitude of "this is my game and I'm playing it" proved just what she was really after, especially after Evan revealed his blue-collar, working-class roots. Her face went from "Yay! He soooo wants me and I sooooo have him" to "Oh my God! He's like totally a loser" after he broke the truth to her and said, "Hon, you're cute without the E.... CUT!" Well, not quite, but that's the gist of it.  
  
Before deciding to trust the big lug, Zora did deliberate over what to do, which any intelligent girl would do in this case. Plus, it made for great dramatic pauses on TV -- those along with the cheesy "Who dun it?" muzak and endless commercials need to find another market. I think they were trying to drive us crazy or maybe it was just me.  
  
Anyway, when Zora did finally walk into the ballroom at the 11th hour and 59th second, so to speak, she laid it all out for Evan, who looked like a little boy getting a stern talkin' to after stealing a cookie before dinner. He really was nervous that she would reject his sincerity at the very end since it came after all the smoke and mirrors during the show. However, she agreed that he did have something special and there was a connection shared between them.  
  
For now, only time (and those "very special" follow-up episodes during sweeps) will tell if Beauty and the Brawn will indeed prove that love conquers all -- including reality TV dating games.  
  
...and they danced in the ballroom happily ever after. Cue: theme music, roll credits, fade to black, and... we're off the air.  
  
Until next time, this is Jenni "my prince must be stuck in traffic somewhere" Mennella, saying, "Give me good old-fashioned romance over mind games any day. Just don't tell anyone I said it."